Hello and welcome to the squeaky bum time pot Presented exclusively on the CHOPSPORT channel of the Premier Streaming Network. We are recording this on Thursday, may 25th. I am your host, laurent Porteens. In this episode we will check out the relegation battle, we will check out who needs to do what and where, and we will check out the European places as we get to the final weekend of the season. But first, a big, huge thanks to everybody. We really made it to the end of the Premier League season 38 weeks, plus a Queen's death, plus a World Cup. What an incredible season and I want to start there. But first, please like, share and subscribe to show. It means everything to us. It is all I can think of and all I appreciate from you guys. So like and share the show and let's get to it. So we just basically are about to complete the Premier League season. Wow. And if we go back to where we started, i want to go through some of Mike and I's projections for the season. Both Mike and I.
On July 28th, as the season was about to begin, both had Manchester City as champions. We got that right. Mike had Tottenham, liverpool and Manchester United in the top four, So he gets two out of four. I had Liverpool, tottenham and Chelsea in the top four. I missed all of them, so I only got Manchester City. And then I had Arsenal and fifth. So did Mike, and Manchester United in sixth. So those were my European places. So I did get that. Mike had Arsenal and West Ham. So we both thought Arsenal would do well, just not as well as they did. I had United and sixth, mike had West Ham in sixth. That's an outchers. Then I had Newcastle in seventh. I believed in Newcastle. Mike had Chelsea in seventh. I did have the great and powerful West Ham in eighth, mike had Newcastle in eighth. So not so bad. We were both believers in two teams that did really well. I had Brighton in ninth They will have finished sixth And Mike had Aston Villa in ninth And they are sitting in eighth, next up. I had Palace in tenth. He had Brighton in tenth. Then things start to get wacky, weird and wild. So things just started sliding into place. I had that from tenth down Palace in tenth, villa in eleventh, leicester City in twelfth, brentford in thirteenth, everton in fourteenth, southampton in fifteenth, fulham in sixteenth, wolves in seventeenth, leeds Forest and Bournemouth going down. Guess what. I might get Leeds, but I'm not getting Nottingham and Bournemouth. Mike, from tenth down, had Brighton, leicester City, crystal Palace, brentford, southampton, wolves, leeds, nottingham Forest being safe Good for him. Everton going down, fulham going down and Bournemouth going down. We both had Bournemouth in last place.
I think just from looking at this you get a real sense of how hard it can be to prognosticate for certain teams. We both kind of knew that Villa had good squads and Brighton was a good squad And we knew that Newcastle was pretty good. It was very difficult to see just from both our top fours, liverpool sliding as much as they did. Mike in his Homer hat really pushed Tottenham on. I guess he believed in Conte. I find that hard to believe seeing as how things ended up And I just believed in Tuchel. I didn't know that he'd be sacked, which is why I had Chelsea in fourth. After that We both somewhat believed in Arsenal pushing them up. Mike was a believer in West Ham I'm not sure why, although their underlying numbers were on point and I had Manchester United again in sixth. We both I had Newcastle in seventh, mike in eighth. So we both kind of believed in Newcastle but weren't sure what would happen there. So fun stuff on prognostication there, just a kind of a fun little thing to look at.
And then we had a whole season that started. We had Mourinho and Tuchel fighting. Both wouldn't finish their seasons. Mike had England winning the World Cup Guess who had Argentina, this guy but I had Uruguay in the final. So that was a little bit different but more interesting stuff.
The whole season was just so crazy and wild, with all the firings, with Arsenal just being the story of the first half running out to 50 points. Just an incredible season that we just had happen. And I just can't believe that we're entering the penultimate weekend of the season. It's just wild to think about because I spent so much time with everyone. I spent so much time with Mike. I spent all my time that I purchased his home and moved here. It's just been a wild, wild season to have gone through so many firings. I'm just looking at the wiki page of all the firings. We had Parker, thomas, tuchel. Parker was fired before September 1st, then Tuchel on September 8th. Bruno Large was fired next on October 2nd, then Stephen Gerrard on the 22nd, southampton, ralph Hassanhoodle That was November, just before the World Cup. Then Lampard comes in. Oh sorry, lampard is sacked in January, with March and February and Nathan Jones in February as well. Then we had Vieira in March, then we had Conte also in March. Mutual Consent Classic with Grand Potter going April 2nd, right after April Fool's Day, and Stialini coming out on April 24th, which sounds even crazy, with our last and latest manager being fired May 3rd. Javi Grasia said goodbye to us right in that moment, which is just bonkers to think about.
Our leaders for the season. Erling Holland sets the record with 36 goals, the quietest 28-goal season in history. Harry Kane has 28 goals. He could have a 30-game season and the team could finish in ninth. I mean just bonkers. The suspended Ivan Tony sits on 20, mosala is one away from another 20-goal season, with Secret Callum Wilson on 18, rashford on 17, and then the Arsenal duo of Martinelli and Oda Gard on 15. So lots of fun stuff. Mitrovic missed 15 games and still on 14, with Watkins hot all season going through there. Erling Holland, in his 36 games, had three hat tricks this season One against United, two, one against United, one against Wolves, one against Palace and one against Forest.
Just bonkers. And then our assist man, kevin De Bruyne, leading away with 16. Some names that you wouldn't have thought of. Leandro Trossard had 10 assists for Brighton and Hove Alvion and then had another five more for Arsenal, so 10 in total. Bruna Fernandez and Ericsson leading the attack there, both on eight. And then Erling Holland. He secretly had eight assists, half of Kevin De Bruyne's numbers, our clean sheet men leading away. The weirdest clean sheet leader in, david De Heia, because we don't think of him as a golden glove winner, with Allison and Nick Pope on 14. Poor season from my friend, Edison on 11 for the best team in the league Only out of 11 is a little bit crazy. Wolverhampton Wanderers, a wildly fouling club, led the league in yellow cards on 84 and reds with six Bonkers Just crazy. Oh, season long.
Players of the month Are you ready? In August it was Harlan. In September Marcus Rassford, al Moran, with his goal scoring, taking off Martin Odegaard. For November, december, he was the player of the month For January and February. I wonder if there's a Manchester United bias. Marcus Rassford went nuts, then Saka in March and Erling Holland in April. I don't think we have a May player of the month yet, but I'm sure we'll get there soon.
Goal of the month I remember the San Maxman goal. Ivan Tony, al, miron Demari Gray I do remember that That was against City And then Mokyel Alise, also with a goal in a month for January And in February, and named today Erling Holland, was our footballer of the year. So I kind of just read through a wiki-pidi page and that's fine. We can feel good about how that went. What an amazing season.
It's all over, but let us go through the schedule and then we'll touch on the key games, just to make sure we know where we are, because I don't think all the games are worth a full chat. But if it's your team we will talk about, we'll just make sure we check in on your game. So all the games will be running at the same time on Sunday at 8.30 Pacific. 11.30. Eastern Villa Brighton. Brighton have already secured their European spot. Aston Villa I mean Everton v Bournemouth will be our featured game, along with Leeds and Tottenham, and Brentford rounds out the season against Manchester City at home. United plays Fulham. Chelsea vs Newcastle. Leicester City get West Ham, arsenal v Wolves to finish up their season at home. Southampton, liverpool and the best feeling dead rubber in the history of the league, nottingham Farris, go away to Crystal Palace. But they are safe so they don't have to worry.
Now let us touch on a couple things. First, brighton vs Manchester City. This was a dead rubber game. It happened yesterday. It didn't matter. It was the best game of the year. It was a game where two teams didn't care. Two teams showed what they can do.
Couple of things about Brighton. I know I've talked about them a million times, but finally they had their moment in the sun in this game. People are tired of talking about Manchester City. I'm talking about tired of talking about Manchester City. Brighton led the league in shots, shots on target and had 71 goals this season, which is top four. I think they are under lying numbers. Brighton actually might have been the second best offense in the entire division, which is crazy, and I think they have reloaded to bare. They can lose a couple of players, i think and CISO is already ready, i think Ferguson is already ready and Brighton do get their day in the sun. They are a Europa League team, europa League team Brighton.ilapidated racetrack up until:
Aston Villa, tottenham and Brentford all vying for the conference league. Is that something they want? It's a bit of a bronze medal, a bit of a What is it? There's a saying about a golden chalice or a millstone around the neck. Is what I'm looking for For Brentford? it will mean a lot For Villa. It will mean a lot For Spurs. They don't want this thing. They do not want the conference league at all. So I wonder if they'll just tank the game. But I can't see Harry Kane giving up a game. Okay, so that's Europe. There are games there for Aston Villa and Brentford and Tottenham to play on And then at the bottom, everton are on 33.
Leicester are on 31 and Leeds are on 31. Okay, what does that mean? Draws for Leicester and Leeds don't do anything. Both Leicester and Leeds need to win. If they win, if they both win, and Everton loses, everton goes down along with Leeds. So Leeds are in the weakest position because they'd be both tied on 34 and Leicester have goal difference. So if Everton loses, leicester and Leeds win, the teams that go down will be Everton and Leeds. Okay, if Everton draws, then as long as if Everton draws, they'll be on 34 and they have a better goal difference than Leeds. And if Everton draws, lester and Leeds win, then Everton will be will go down. No, no, no. Everton will be will go down. If they draw Because Lester have, they'll be all on 34. Lester has the strongest goal difference with. That will mean that Everton and Leeds will go down And Everton draw, with a win by Lester and Leeds, means that Leeds and Everton go down. Okay, i'm gonna keep going on this one And Everton win. There is no chance. They are safe, no matter what. So Everton wins, they are safe.
Leeds is the one that needs a lot of help. They must have Everton lose and they must have Lester lose to stay up. Their chances of staying up are very, very low Because they can't they don't win any tie breakers with any team. So that's where Leeds are. Lester has a better chance and they got that draw against Newcastle on Monday, which really saved their ass and gives them a shot, because their goal difference was the least worst. They were only a minus 18. So we'll see what happens there.
Everton, like I said, wins and they are up. So Everton will be facing at home Bournemouth. Bournemouth, by XG and on paper that doesn't mean everything are the worst team in the league And that's why I say Gary O'Neill's work with Bournemouth has been nothing short of spectacular, but in terms of the numbers they are the worst team in the league And you would expect Everton to get a performance that really pushes Bournemouth down. So they're not going to be the best team in the league because Bournemouth are a bad team, but the levels of desire that are going to come from the force of Everton will help them stay up. They have the best chance because they have the best home crowd, they have the best coach and they have a team that does not need this game. So Everton will be the featured game.They've never gone down since:
They are playing Spurs, who have been awful. Spurs is one of the worst Spurs seasons in memory, not just because of the way it's gone, but just the manner of which it's fizzled. I mean, when Conte left, they were fine. They were still having bad performances, but it was a classic case of like it may be all doom and gloom, but we're not this bad. But once Conte left, it actually became bad. The performances started matching the results. Spurs only have one win in their last seven, which is terrible, and that includes five losses. So Spurs have really collapsed.
And they're shipping goals Three to Bournemouth, six to United, two to Manchester United, four to Liverpool, two to Aston Villa and three to Brentford. We knew they had a bad defense, but now it's just comically bad. And then without Hugo Larisse, who, as much as I've lamented him and think that he's not the best keeper anymore, he's much better than Fraser Foster, who basically looks like a giant tree falling over whenever he tries to make a save. So the great and powerful Harry Kane it may be his last game as a Tottenham-Hotspur player. I just can't believe that he's going to go out like this in this game at Ellen Road for Leeds safety.
Leeds must win. If they don't win, they're done. There is no draw that sees them safe because of goal Unless. No, there's no way that they can draw their way out. They must win along with Leicester. So that's where Leeds are, and Leeds will be without Banford, which I don't think is a bad thing. I think Rodrigo is the better player, having scored a goal the other day. So that's them. And then we move on to the other big game, which. So that's Leeds, that's Everton. Leicester play West Ham.
West Ham are one of the better bad teams you'll ever see. Their underlying numbers really said they should have never been in this position. They just had bad luck. Like, their expected goal difference is only minus 3, 3.8, which puts them in. Let's see, let's put them, as their actual game was a mid-table team, which is what I think they were more in line with in terms of their performances. They just couldn't score goals or they were just not able to get goals over the line. Their defense was as expected, but they were six goals underneath their goal difference. Not too bad. but they did end up picking up wins down the stretch here, west Ham winning two of their last three, beating United and defeating Leeds when Leeds had a must win, with a Brentford lost sandwich in between. The big thing for West Ham is they have a conference league final in nine days, which is this new European tournament, and they play Fiorintina, who are actually on fire right now. But it's a chance for West Ham to win a trophy which does not come every day.
So West Ham will be playing Lester. Lester are capable. We saw it when they defended for their lives against Newcastle away. Whether they play that way on Sunday I don't know, but they have the players to do it and they have the tiebreakers against Everton Again. That ninth win will really make a huge difference for Leeds, for Lester. The problem for them was that they have too many losses. Lester have 22 losses, which is the second most in a division. The only one even close is Southampton, and they're going down with 25 losses. So that's really where Lester lost the season. They just would either win or just get battered. So there are seven draws in and around them. Everyone else has 10, 12 or 10. Lester nodding in forest. They all have over 10 draws and Lester would have had those. If they would have had just three more draws, they would be well out of this on 34 already. It's just that they kept losing. As much as I do push to get the win, in this case, lester went hell for leather one time too many and they just need that ninth win to get onto 34 and hope that Everton draw or lose, draw or lose. So they need Everton to draw or lose and them to win against the great and powerful West Ham. So that's really all. We've got down the stretch here.
It's a season that has seen a lot. It feels incredibly long, just an amazingly long season because of the World Cup, that I forgot what happened already Argentina defeating France in the final, with Mbappe scoring goals in the final minutes Is that what happened? I think so. All the outpouring of love for Messi and then their season sort of collapsing, and then my following along with Manchester City as they transformed their team down the stretch, trying to catch Arsenal. Arsenal's little narrative was we were in first place for over 250 days The most of any team not to win the title for Newcastle. Their story is what a plucky season, what a much loved season, what a season of of new expectations, new hopes and new joys that ends for them with a European place For United. They have a chance here to win two trophies and have, just as of today, solidified a top four finish with a four-nil win for one win against Chelsea. So Ten Hogs Revolution has its first step. They are posting the 95th season of the door. They are Martin Luther, they are running around yelling two arms with Paul Revere and their revolution is just beginning. But they have the money from the top four and United will feel good about their season and then they have to play an FA Cup final against Manchester City to see where they can go.
For Liverpool, the season is a disappointment as a whole, but they can feel good about the last ten games where they seem to find something, with Trent Alexander-Arnold moving into the midfield and saying goodbye and getting some change over. They were unbeaten since April 4th, so they haven't lost since. They lost to Manchester City and Real Madrid that same week. That went really badly for them. When they lost the Bournemouth right after the United win, you thought they were gonna kick on. And then they take three losses in a row, culminating in the in the Manchester City loss, but then a draw against Chelsea, a draw against the amazing draw against Arsenal and that seemed to kick their season on. And they won their next seven games in a row, then picking up a draw against Villa this weekend. That really put the nail in their European chase. But they were able to turn the season around. But I think you know, manny and everyone, all the Liverpool fans, your season was a disappointment. I think you know that.
But ultimately it's a moment to celebrate Bobby Firmino, consolidate where things went. Think about what could have been Luis Diaz, only playing 16 games all season, only 10 games where he was able to go 90, celebrating Gakbo really getting a chance to move into the game. And Darwin Nunez cannot possibly be as bad as he ended up. Ended up with just the nine goals. Probably should have had around 15 if he's gonna be called a first-class striker. But consolidation for four clock and they hold on, it'll be Europa League nights. It'll be another path and they get to top four if things happen for them.
And then, of course, now we have in six and seventh the teams with the most brightest hopeful seasons brightened, just completely changing the narrative of what a small team can do. With a plus 20 goal difference, the fourth best team in the league almost really probably had a better season than United just three games difference, scoring over 70 goals. An incredible season for them. And they have deserving ball and they have to try and their goal will be to hold on as many players as possible, with then Aston Villa being disappointing at first underperforming under Gerard, underperforming based on the players they had, but then overperforming under Emory. I think somewhere in the middle is where they are. They're probably more like a top 10 team, but I think Emory. A full season will get them to where they need to be.
And then we have Spurs, which are along with. I'd say Spurs, along with Liverpool, have had the most disappointing season, except theirs is the other way around. They've really fallen apart down the stretch here. Whereas Liverpool can feel good about a little push for Europa, spurs are really in disarray. We don't know what's gonna happen to them. They need a coach Levy still messing around, and we don't know what's gonna happen with Harry Kane. I could see them being in 8-10 range for the foreseeable future. If Brighton is gonna be where it's at, if Brentford's gonna be where it's at, if Villa's gonna be where it's at, if Newcastle's gonna be where it's at, where is the room for Tottenham This is what I'm saying Levy out.
Then we got Brentford, and 9th had a great season, really in line with a consolidating season, back-to-back seasons over 50 points, also in the top flight. They didn't get the losing streak that they had last season, where you'd be worried for them. They made a 10-point improvement. Ivan Tony improved on his goals. They'll probably lose Rea and Tony won't be back until January, but I have a lot of faith in this team. Now let's be fair Little things. It's fine margins in a Premier League. Brentford are looking great, west Ham looked great last season and you just have a little bit of dip in form Wrong goals at the wrong time, a four goal game in a 4-1, and then you lose a 1-0 game that you should have scored two more goals, still five goals, but now you only have one win and a loss when you could have had two wins. Do you know what I mean? Like your distribution of goals makes a difference on how your season goes. So Brentford will feel good about finishing over 500, having 50 points, but it can all go sideways very, very quickly.
Fulham their season was better in the first half, slowed down in a second after Mitrovich got injured, but for them they really do have to look at their underlying numbers. This is not a 50-point team. They got very fortunate with the Paulina signing. They actually have to strengthen a lot because I don't think they're as good as they appeared. Their underlying numbers say this is more of a bottom half team. They were plus three, but their XG was minus 16 and that was mostly on a defense with Arrabayo and Tim Reem. So they're all gonna want to fix their defense a little bit. Make sure Mitrovich is fit. They overperformed on their goals but really overperformed on their defense, so they really need to focus on a defense, not get too excited about what they did and go. We got lucky, we got wins we might not have. We need to improve the quality of our team so that our results balance out. We can stay in a division.
So, fulham, don't rest on your laurels. Get yourself moving Crystal Palace ahead of Chelsea on 43 points. Who would have thunk that under Roy? the feel-good factor is back and it seems like Roy Hodgson has this team playing well. They are also gonna want to hold on to players. Alise Eze just amazing, amazing players, along with Terrick Mitchell. I love the black Englishness of this team. They reflect South London, they reflect immigrant and immigrant area. I love what they are. Wilfred Zaha is a free agent so he will probably leave the club for the second time, but he's a legend. He had a good season and. But they have found their footing with new players. They still have good young players Edward is young, alise is young, joqui Manderson 26. Czech Decoré 23. Mitchell 23. Gehi 22. So good young players that they can build on if they can hold on to them and then Roy will keep them moving forward. They are sort of stuck in the middle here, but I think finishing ahead of Chelsea is a massive season for them.
Chelsea just an abomination. this season I said Liverpool and Spurs with the most disappointing. I made a mistake. Chelsea is the most disappointing team in the league. Wow, if there's a team, if the if the optimism table is Arsenal, newcastle, brighton, aston Villa. The disappointing table is in first place is Chelsea, followed by Tottenham and then Liverpool. What a terrible season for Chelsea. You could not have seen this coming from a mile away. The season started with Tuchel just being a little grumpy. Then they fire bohly Potter doesn't work. And then it just collapses under Frank Lampard. A PR move, just a disaster. Too many players, nobody knowing what's going on. Chelsea will look to lick their wounds and start again under Pochettino, but they have a lot of work to do.
Wolves got their season together. They've got Lopetegui. They're gonna be fine. They probably need to reload. Their season is good. West Ham I think in the end, if they win this conference league Moyes in, they get to stay in a division. I think they'll improve a lot. This team's too good to be where they were. They shouldn't have really been in a relegation battle and they end up with 40 points. But if West Ham can win a title, what an incredible achievement. And speaking of incredible achievements, bournemouth in 15th.
Gary O'Neill for president, salanki and Billings were great all season. This team needs to work on defense. They are in the bottom two in terms of underlying numbers, so that says to me there's a lot of improvement to put in. They do have an American owner who owns the Vegas Knights who, as we know, were an expansion team in the NHL and then went on to win the Stanley Cup. So he's gonna spend. He's a savvy sport operator that I think will listen. He's a little bit older. He'll listen and figure things out. He seemed to have listened and got the right players in for Gary O'Neill.
O'watra was incredible for the team. They learned to work on the break. Some players will probably come and go. I think Adam Smith is probably on his last legs, along with Jefferson Lerner, but as long as they can hold on to Billings and Salanki, i like the pairing of those two strong in the middle. Tavenir was also fantastic. The who came on loan along with Vignette from Uruguay. Nice little players, but they need to spend or find a way to improve. It doesn't have to be money, just get better players, new players, refresh the team for a while.
Forrest staying in the division is massive Good for Stevie Cooper. They actually have the worst underlying numbers of any team, but improved throughout the season. So for them this season was about surviving and advancing. Survive with the players, survive all the change, Find out what the right combinations were. I think they have a star in Gibbs White. Paid a lot of money for him. O'wany came in strong down the final stretch. They do want to re-sign Dean Henderson, so that'll be a big one for them. I don't think they've. I don't think that. What's the goalkeeper's name? Kailor Navas is the answer. Henderson got hurt. He was great when he wasn't injured, had a good season, was moving forward. But we'll see what happens. There He was. Maybe Henderson wasn't as good as I thought he was, but anyway. Gibbs White was the star's man for the season, along with Brendan Johnson, but for some reason Brendan Johnson didn't play down the stretch. I'm sure that Cooper had a reason for it and he's really auditioning for his next steps forward because he did such a good job with Forrest.
Like I said, no man that ugly could be a head coach of a team if he wasn't capable. It's like the saying give me two people standing next to me and they're gonna perform open-heart surgery on me. Do I want the tall, handsome, clean guy, or do I want the guy who looks like a butcher covered in blood? Give me the ugly guy, because the ugly guy had to get there based on his skill, not what he looks like. You know, we have a tendency to like people that look great, so go with the ugly guy who's covered in blood, and that's Steve Cooper. Steve Cooper, igged, the ugly guy covered in blood.
Everton's season will be determined there in 17th if they win this final game. It's crazy to say that a team season is going to hinge on a single game, but if Sean Deisch wins this game, they will have had a successful season and what happened before with Frank Leiphardt will all be forgotten. Deisch will have a new team. He'll be at Everton. He'll be able to do what he did basically at Burnley, which is play on a budget, understand what to do and get this team to their new stadium as a Premier League team. I think they can do it, but they need one win. One win. If it's a draw, then they must hope and pray that Lester don't win their game. A draw and they're okay versus leads, but a draw versus and Lester win sends Everton down with leads.
Lester, they are definitely on the all-disappointing season They go from. They had the previous seasons, 18 months ago, winning the FA Cup They spent. They were eighth last season and then fifth. The two pre-prior seasons They have been in the top 10 for they won the league finished 12th, then five seasons in the top 10 before dropping down inexplicably Well, maybe not inexplicably, i think. Last season we could see that Schmeichel was dipping, but I don't think anyone saw this level of a dip. I thought he had started to be really poor but his his expected goals saved last season, ended up rallying because he was really bad and he was actually decent at Nice this season, finishing in ninth, after finishing in eighth with Lester this season before. So clearly he's a top 10 goalkeeper, had been part of the team but they just inexplicably let him go.
The pandemic really hit this team hard. They probably had to let any high salary players go and go and Lester go from a team that were plus three, scored 62 goals, to a team that are minus 18 and only scored 49. So those those Jamie Vardy goals drying up really is what hurt them. He had 15 goals last season, only three this season, and then Danny Ward and Iverson were just not great goalkeepers. And then all the problems at the back came through. They just didn't buy players soon enough. Rogers lost the side or stopped caring about coaching, and this is probably right.
Slots in there with Tottenham on all disappointing, but if they go down, they win all disappointing leads again. There's a theme in teams at the bottom they can't defend, they lose their way, they can't figure out what they want to do, they don't have a plan and leads. His problem was they bought players for Jesse Marsh and then stopped doing Jesse Marsh things, and so they are on the path going down after having the feel-good factor of Bielsa and that just going down and then less. And then Southampton have just checked out. They're on a five game losing streak. I really did like Ruben Celas, but they bought too many young players all at once, which broke their model, and they will spend the season in the championship.
Who's going with them? Lester and leads are gonna go with them. I believe in Everton. I think they'll get the win. I'm a big fan of Dice. I don't know if Dean Smith can get something out of Lester and leads. Need too much to happen for them to stay up. Say goodbye to leads and Lester. What an incredible final weekend we have going for us. That's a lot okay.
Now you asked that was the Premier League in a massive, massive shell. Now we go and say hello to the people who have hope, the people that are coming up. We go to the championship and check out the playoffs there. We know our friends Vincent company and the Burnley Clarets are coming up. We know our friends mr Heckham, bottom and Sheffield are coming back up, recently relegated teams that were both very good coming back up. But who will join them? we have a treat.
We have Luton Town and Coventry City for all the marbles, the richest game in the Premier League, the richest game in sports, two hundred million dollars, two hundred million pounds riding on. A result of this game you get 80 for being the Premier League, 40 for the first season when you're down, and then another 30 in parachute payments. and for these two teams, luton and Coventry, it means everything. Both have amazing stories of what the pyramid is like, for Coventry spent decades as a top flight team. We're one of the founding members of the Premier League. One of the most consistent teams have. Net went 50 years not finishing in the top six of any place, chased around all sorts of grounds. They didn't own their stadium. They did own their stadium. They had different owners. They had that owner. Coventry's story is sad. Coventry, home of the specials, home of Terry Hall who died this year. They are sky blues. I love that they are sky blues. Their best player is Victor Gorick, as he's an amazing player and they are solidifying under Mark Robbins their chance to make it to the Premier League. What a story for them to make it.
They play Luton Town, famous of Kenilworth Road, the stadium. That's too small for anything. They've been trying to leave there for half a decade. When you play on the away end has seats, has a ladder that goes through people's gardens. This thing is tiny, it's 10,000 seats. It's in a little square block of houses near Watford. Their coach Edwards was at Watford. He got fired because what happens at Watford? everyone gets fired, moves to Luton and takes off. Their coach left midseason. I can't remember his name now, but he was the guy who went to Southampton, luton have gone up multiple divisions over the last 10 years. I'm just gonna look it up right now.t football club. As recent as:
Ethan Horvath, the American, is their goalkeeper. He's the most boring person I have ever heard in an interview in my entire life. Please don't have him on TV. Carton Moore is their leader. This team is big. This team plays long ball. This team will fuck you up. That is what Luton Town is. It is classic English championship football and in that ground of 10,000 people they are gonna come for you and try and punch you in the face and or mouth. So if you want English football, that's what you're gonna get from Luton.
Coventry are similar. They are a counter attacking team as well, but Mark Robbins has been there a long time and helped solidify this team in a time of turmoil. Coventry have been in the championship for quite a while, but their issue was more, not so much to playing was that since they've been the Premier League, they went to the first division, back up to the championship, down to League 1, down to League 2, back up to League 1 and League 2. So they are the classic sign of the pyramid. They've gone up and down and now they have a chance to go back up, and Gorickes is their leader. He's really good. He's ready to leave the championship for sure. Also, upwardly mobile championship 16th place, 12th, now fifth in the championship, with a chance to be promoted. They beat the best team in the division, the highest scoring team in the division in Middlesbrough, michael Carrick, unable to get it done, and Coventry, the fifth place team, beat Bora to move their chance and their way up. It's been a crazy season.
I want, i want Luton. Luton has a ten point advantage on Coventry. They're the better team. They've got the weird stadium. I just like the idea of Luton Town and not Coventry City. Coventry City, their sky blues. There's only room for one sky blue in this league. Luton Town will be your representative and Ethan Horvath will watch it.
I highly, highly, highly recommend you go on ESPN plus in the US, find this championship game and watch it, because the championship playoff is probably the best thing you can watch in all of English football, and I'm not being facetious. These playoffs are just incredible. It's real passion, it's real stakes. It is why US football soccer we need this and we don't have it. Because as much as we want and owners want guarantees around perching a senior team, what they are missing is stakes. What they are missing is desire. What they are missing is moments that bind people to a club forever and when it matters more than anything in the world. When you feel what you feel watching a game, you'll never forget it for the rest of your life. Just like last week we had Peter Burrell versus Sheffield Wednesday. they had a 5-4 where Sheffield Wednesday at Hillsborough were down 4, going into the sem, into the final, and that game for the league one promotion will probably be the most memorable game that anyone who's ever seen who is there, because it mattered more than anything in the whole world And without that American sports fans. It's just another season, it doesn't mean anything. So this Coventry Lutontown game at Wembley on Saturday is about important a game as you can watch. Just watch it. The Premier League is not on. Watch that game instead, and we will be rooting for the Hatters of Luton versus the Coventry Sky Blues.
I do want to give a bit more connection. The league one playoffs the third tier. This is the division above, where, above where Rexham will be, is going to be Sheffield Wednesday versus Barnsley. This is a Yorkshire Derby. This is real deep working class roots. Yorkshire got through against my beloved Bolton Wanderers and Barrow Salona's own team. But exciting stuff there.
I don't know much about these teams. I just know that Sheffield Wednesday has the greatest team name ever And then, of course, the Barnsley Brewers have a guy as their logo making beer. These teams are hundreds of years old. What an amazing club. What amazing, amazing players. You know they're not young. These teams are real professional teams. They are leagues that live in and of themselves without anyone else looking.
So we'll be paying attention to Barnsley versus Sheffield. That's on the 29th. Is that Sunday? That must be Sunday at Wembley as well. And then, just for the sake of covering it all off the league.
Two playoffs will see Stockport versus Carlisle United. Stockport is a small town in Manchester Suburb. It's where Phil Foden's from the Stockport Eniesta, and Carlisle is in the middle of nowhere, very far away in northern Nether regions near Scotland. So Stockport are going for a double promotion. They were in the National League where Wrexham just came up from One. They have a chance to be promoted from league two. They're going for a double promotion in two seasons and we know about Wrexham and Knott's County both coming up. So that covers most of England.
That covers the final weekend of the Premier League. Then next week we'll go into what this all means, what happens at the season. Then into the FA Cup for Manchester United versus Manchester City for the second leg of the treble, and then the following week Manchester City versus Inter for the European Cup, along with the Europa League, along with the Europa Conference League. Sevilla in the Europa League more amazing stuff versus Roma and Jose Mourinho and all his madness, and we'll check in there. Holy moly. Okay, that was the Squeaky Bum Time podcast with Laurent Cortines. That's me. We are the football winning the CHOP Sports Channel, presented exclusively by the Premier Streaming Network. We record on Mondays and Thursdays. So be sure to subscribe wherever you get your show And please like, subscribe, share, like, subscribe, share. We need you, it's important.